When you’re in the middle of deep suffering sometimes all you can do is exhale anguished prayers between sobs. Those prayers sound more like “Help” and “Please” than they do anything intelligible. All you can manage is to play worship music over yourself and let the words believe for you when you can’t utter the sounds. …
Suffering, The Uninvited Companion: A Scott Shaum Interview Read More »
Day three into the new year and I’m already failing. At least those are the thoughts I woke up with. There’s nothing like New Year’s resolutions to send you into a shame spiral, where you start hand fisting Oreos while trying to fit everything on your calendar. I’m not unfamiliar with failure. I spent New …
My first year on the mission field I experienced spiritual abuse, discouragement from others, debilitating sickness, isolation, culture shock, lies, theft, betrayal, setbacks, harassment, vicarious trauma, depression, and fatigue. As a single woman then, I went through most of this alone. And yet, somewhere within myself, I found the courage to continue on in my purpose …
It was July of 2006 in Mbale, Uganda. I was 25, single, and about to free fall down the side of a 320 ft waterfall. In the beginning abseiling sounded like a good idea, a way to prove to myself that I could get over any of my fears. But once I realized there was just a skinny, African …
I came home after a long day in the IDP camps, tired and sweaty with barely enough energy to make myself a sad bowl of pasta (for one) before I curled under the covers. I was journaling when I looked up and saw the largest spider I’d ever seen crawling across the ceiling. I unsuccessfully tried to kill it …
The Single Missionary, What the Church Should Know Read More »
I have a confession. I love being alone. This might sound strange to people who gather that I’m an extrovert from my personality, because I love engaging with people and hearing their stories. But the truth is, I’m an introvert. I’m an extroverted introvert. Yes, I’m one of the weird ones, which means I’m often …
We stumbled upon the circled labyrinth in the dark. We were in nowhere Gardnerville, Nevada on a road trip hoping to soothe the sting out of disappointing news. It sparked joy inside me. Remembrance of other times in Colorado I’d traced the paths that led me Home to God and myself. Stone cuts against sand. …
Unexpected: How to Hold On When God Shuts a Door Read More »
Dear Future Missionary, I want you to know I feel you. I see your heart bursting with promise with all you will do. And I say yes, bring your expectations, your passion, your wild and crazy ideas, your belief that you can change the world and anything is possible. It’s what gets us all here, …
Dear Future Missionary: How to Prepare for Missions Read More »
At the age of twenty-four, I founded a ministry to help rehabilitate girl child soldiers in a war-torn region of Uganda. It was a ton of hard work. I was young, full of idealism and naiveté and I didn’t know very much then about how to build a thriving culture. As people came alongside me …
I haven’t been writing much lately. Life happened. I’d wanted to fall into summer’s sandy shores and slowed time with abandon. But mostly I got anxiety and tumult. I’m not a busyness lover, I’m a stillness lover. I always know I’m not doing well when the ink from my pen dries up. I hit a deep soul weariness …
For years I have been fascinated by trauma and PTSD. Having experienced much of this myself, I’ve studied to help those in war torn regions and missionaries heal from their pain. What I’ve learned is trauma and PTSD can often be a silent killer among missionaries and aid workers. I teamed up with my strong …
In January of 2013, after 6 years of running a non-profit in Uganda I moved off the field back to the USA and struggled terribly with re-entry. There were many good, wise reasons for this move, including listening to God’s voice, and hitting burnout, but none of them seemed justifiable enough to qualm the voice in my …
