Motherhood isn’t what I thought it would be. I hate even saying that. Eight weeks in and I’m dreaming of a Mexican beach. Completely alone. No tiny fingernails digging into my flesh. If you’ve seen my Instagram feed then you know I had a baby. A long awaited, long fought for baby. A baby I …
I want so badly to do this perfectly. It’s like somewhere inside I believe if I do all the “right things” I can keep the bad things at bay. I hold tightly to this belief like a child gripping a flashlight to chase away the monsters under the bed. Almost 8 months pregnant, I plan …
Yesterday I did my first Facebook Live on my business page. I was excited and nervous (I don’t love being on video so this was a personal “being brave” moment for me) and I was worried technology wouldn’t cooperate, but it went beautifully! Toxic Missions Environments: Is it you or them who is unhealthy? Posted by Sarita Hartz …
Video: Toxic Missions Environments: Is it You or Them? Read More »
When you’re in the middle of deep suffering sometimes all you can do is exhale anguished prayers between sobs. Those prayers sound more like “Help” and “Please” than they do anything intelligible. All you can manage is to play worship music over yourself and let the words believe for you when you can’t utter the sounds. …
Suffering, The Uninvited Companion: A Scott Shaum Interview Read More »
My first year on the mission field I experienced spiritual abuse, discouragement from others, debilitating sickness, isolation, culture shock, lies, theft, betrayal, setbacks, harassment, vicarious trauma, depression, and fatigue. As a single woman then, I went through most of this alone. And yet, somewhere within myself, I found the courage to continue on in my purpose …
We stumbled upon the circled labyrinth in the dark. We were in nowhere Gardnerville, Nevada on a road trip hoping to soothe the sting out of disappointing news. It sparked joy inside me. Remembrance of other times in Colorado I’d traced the paths that led me Home to God and myself. Stone cuts against sand. …
Unexpected: How to Hold On When God Shuts a Door Read More »
I haven’t been writing much lately. Life happened. I’d wanted to fall into summer’s sandy shores and slowed time with abandon. But mostly I got anxiety and tumult. I’m not a busyness lover, I’m a stillness lover. I always know I’m not doing well when the ink from my pen dries up. I hit a deep soul weariness …
For years I have been fascinated by trauma and PTSD. Having experienced much of this myself, I’ve studied to help those in war torn regions and missionaries heal from their pain. What I’ve learned is trauma and PTSD can often be a silent killer among missionaries and aid workers. I teamed up with my strong …
This year is six years, six years since we lost our first baby, six years since the toilet clotted blood. Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week and it pulls me back to the memories like my eyes to the scene of a car crash. I can see myself on the floor. Praying. Begging. Being willing …
“Often the real trauma is feeling mistreated, bullied, or discriminated against by our own fellow humanitarians, those who should be there to share the same values and ideals.” –Alessandra Pigni- In general, conflict in relationships is one of the most difficult things to manage. This is especially true when serving overseas. Team conflict with other …
It was 2006 and I was sitting in a dimly lit room in Rwanda listening to a female genocide survivor tell me her story of rape and torture. Most of the time her face remained distant, as though she was recounting something that happened to someone else. A fly buzzed around the office table. I could …
What Missionaries Should Know about Vicarious Trauma Read More »
I still remember crying on my way home as I drove my gray Toyota Hilux truck through the red dirt streets of Gulu, Uganda dodging cows, and children, and potholes. I sobbed my way through the whole story on the truck bed of our grassy compound while my husband listened. The sunflowers wilting in the late …
