I wrote this poem several weeks ago in a dark time, when everything seemed to be going wrong. Two babies had died and our prayers and faith had failed to bring them back to life. I had been through betrayal of a staff member. We had to give some of our children back. The injustice of a corrupt judicial system. But I post this now because of the post following this one. Because after darkness, there is light. But I think its important to grieve the things we don’t always understand.
Dark
there is a hole in my heart
that wants to be stone
love that was given
and spurned
taken and turned
the lies and the calm
the lies and the calm
the ashy white film on our heads
all day the limp body
and sunburn
the babies cold in their beds
and prayers strung out over a sky
too bright and blaring
to care
that they’re dead
the dirt spinning down the drain
in slow convulsions
of tears never cried
but
the children are crying
because mama is gone
and I am standing there
knowing I’m wrong
wanting the rain to come
to soak up the sand
jesus you are a word now
jesus you are a verse
but you are not here
you are not here
right now
