How to Brave the Dark

May 28, 2010

nile

I wrote this poem several weeks ago in a dark time, when everything seemed to be going wrong. Two babies had died and our prayers and faith had failed to bring them back to life. I had been through betrayal of a staff member. We had to give some of our children back. The injustice of a corrupt judicial system. But I post this now because of the post following this one. Because after darkness, there is light. But I think its important to grieve the things we don’t always understand.

Dark

there is a hole in my heart

that wants to be stone

love that was given

and spurned

taken and turned

the lies and the calm

the lies and the calm

the ashy white film on our heads

all day the limp body

and sunburn

the babies cold in their beds

and prayers strung out over a sky

too bright and blaring

to care

that they’re dead

the dirt spinning down the drain

in slow convulsions

of tears never cried

but

the children are crying

because mama is gone

and I am standing there

knowing I’m wrong

wanting the rain to come

to soak up the sand

jesus you are a word now

jesus you are a verse

but you are not here

you are not here

right now

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